It's interesting.
I am reading an interview with Bell Hooks.
She is talking about the conflicts, being a black woman, wherein she tries to be-friend another black woman in a room and is shunned because the other women 'thinks its outrageous that she should try and be her friend simply because they are both women of colour.
She says some interesting things. Like- (wouldn't we be STRONGER if we were connected? You see this as a weak move for me to move towards you and reach out to you however now we are not two individuals but a group). The opposing woman is trying to protect her identity from being sub-grouped. She is trying to protect herself from being categorized and thinks she must stand alone to stand for her ideals.
Bell refers this same situation as to how we a women sometimes treat each other and I couldn't agree more. How often do you walk into a room where there are a group of men conversing and having a wonderful time and the women are on all corners glaring at each other. Where did we get this idea from?! Why are we so afraid to come together and be friends?!
I can not count how many times I have tried to be friendly towards another woman, anywhere, at the theatre, at a straight bar (being another 'sraight' woman, a line up at the store, and received such a look of shock and a mumbled response that could have easily been translated as "please do not talk to me. You are a stranger. I have put you in that category and plan to keep you there. Closer to an enemy then a friend. Opening myself up to you, even in the littlest of ways would mean letting my guard down to you and perhaps risk having you think you know me just a little bit. Risk perhaps you be-littling me, being better then me, looking down at me, having me feel self-conscious or wishing I was somebody else." Why are we so opposed to speaking to each other in public? Why are we categorizing our own gender group as the enemy when really.....how many woman go plummeting down roadways raping and beating other women out of causality? How many women arrive at their best friends house to beat the shit out of them and tell them they still love them. How many women would tell another women they look fat and stupid in their outfit. THIS HASN'T HAPPEND SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. And if it has you can refer these women to my source 'Mean Girls.' I have something to say to them.....
I could (and it helps being a young women in this regard but none the less menVSmen the same reaction) strike up a friendly conversation with any male figure almost anywhere and he wouldn't think twice about responding to me and perhaps engaging in friendly dialouge. Even a smile or a nod, something so non invasive, men exchange with men daily and men exchange with women, but women are SO FUCKING COLD towards other women the continuing domination issues in society do not surprise me at all.
Let us have a little lesson today. A little homework project for you. To better yourself and better our world.
1) How many times do you make eye contact with a women you pass on the street and instead of checking out what she is wearing and what her hair looks like, you smile at her, a real warm HEY I am facing the same things you face on a daily basis and it's all going to be OK.
TRY IS OUT! Test yourself just for a day, every single woman you pass, deserves a smile. Who knows, you just might make someones day.
2) Shaking Hands. This is not an Extinct Utensil although I am loosing faith in the hand shake. Men still use this vital took on a daily basis. It is a way to connect. A way to break even. A way to say- Hey Your Ok. I think we can see each other eye to eye. I have opinions in this world and I realize you do to. These might be different but I respect that. A hand shake is a lovely gesture and I would recommend using it in three situations
a. When you are introduced to someone new.
b. When you are introducing yourself to someone(or a group) of new people.
c. When you are seeing someone again, maybe the second or third time, as a friendly way of saying Nice to See you again! I like you and enjoy your company.
STOP RIGHT THERE: There are three important rules you must heed when using this tool. They are critical to your success.
1. No Floppy Fishes. If I extend my HAND to you and you place a floppy fish in it, I am going to be horrified. This is a rude guesture. This is like leaving a dead beaver on my doorstep. Totally un-called for and shocking. If you are going to utilize this tool do some practices with a relative. A firm handshake, not to hard, not to squeezy, not to violent of shakes, just a nice confident grasp.
2. Make Eye Contact. Here it is again- I am a big fan of eye contact. It means, I see you. I realize you are standing in front of me. I am greeting you and recognizing that you and I, as fellow human beings, are equal. Eye contact prevents you from looking like a distracted moron.
3. Use your Name. Im not sure why this is happening, but in a recent phenomenon, young people are forgetting their names. I will extend my hand and say something along the lines of 'Hi my name is the sea witch'. They will then offer me, normally a floppy fish, and a 'hey'. There is nothing more lame then forgetting your name or being to lazy to use the word hello.
I'm off. About to heat up a massive bowl of my own medicine and work towards making this world a more friendly and functional place.
http://www.education.miami.edu/ep/contemporaryed/bell_hooks/bell_hooks.html
